Spring Cleaning

Yesterday I did a little spring cleaning of the soul and did something that I do once or twice a year...I deactivated my Facebook.

I've been feeling fairly inadequate lately and have, by my own admission, been expecting too much of the people I love and who love me.

When I'm faced with a serious issue, I tend to Google it...yep, I'm a product of the digital age. I asked the mighty gods and goddesses of Google, how do I lower my expectations of people and this mantra, "The higher my expectations, the lower my serenity," from Kathleen Gage popped up.

I did a little searching around her blog, mostly just killing time, and then went over to Facebook, where many mid-to-late-twenties people waste a majority of their time. Immediately upon signing on I was bombarded with engagements (causing me to question my relationship), pictures of people going out with friends (causing me to question my friendships and the way I spend my free time), and pictures of new cars, houses, etc (causing me to question my status). Between all of the pictures, the bragging statuses, and the congratulations on changed relationship statuses, I realized something: this isn't making me feel good.

Facebook was designed as a tool to connect with and maintain friendships with those persons you attended college with. Eventually, high schoolers were allowed into the famous site and then, a few years later, everyone could get "The Facebook."

When I started Facebook, I enjoyed looking at friends pictures. We were all in high school, so we all were, roughly, going through the same stuff at the same time. Once college hit, one or two of those friends got engaged or pregnant, but it wasn't the norm. I still enjoyed creeping on friends and posting updates on my life (mostly because I wanted this guy or that guy to see that I was amazing and fine without them).

Now I'm at a weird point in my life. I'm taking a break from school, so the partying and complaining about tests seems foreign and trivial (though I realize I may be the same way when I return to school). Acquaintances who are my age or a grade or two younger are getting engaged, or worse yet, married. We're all at different spots in our lives and our relationships, but that doesn't stop me from breaking out the measuring stick and feeling as if my life is falling short.

So it's adios, Facebook. At this point, I'm just not in the mood to have feel inadequate against people I didn't really know, or like, from high school and college, so I'm cutting it out from my life.
Maybe it seems dumb that I'm letting something as trivial as Facebook control my feelings this much, but I can't help it. At this point, I'm working roughly 50-60 hours a week between my four jobs and it's wearing on me. I handle work just fine, but when I get home, I'm exhausted and not feeling as great as I could, and usually do, about myself. Going on Facebook in that sort of mood is toxic, plain and simple.

I'm really excited to be free of Facebook. I'm looking forward to having time to blog (because this post never would have happened if I'd had my account activated). I'm excited to craft more. The main thing is, I'm excited to only be able to see one aspect of people's lives because without the window that is Facebook, my expectations should be more realistic.

Fabric Flowers

I'm going to attempt to make fabric flowers for headbands later today. There will be pictures, and hot glue, and blisters, and maybe some tears. Pretty bummed because most of the fabric I have lying around the house is either really heavy or has a dark vintage look to it, making it perfect for fall and winter, but not for spring and summer.

What I want

Trying it again, this thing you all affectionately refer to as blogging. Instead of the standard, first, who I am, what I love, what this blog will be, post, I'm going to dive right in. It's not sunny, or happy, but I am feeling useless. I'm planning my future, or planning the events that will lead to this future, and I can't help but feel unimportant. Growing up with a military dad, I always admired him for being a hero. My dad would go overseas and defend freedom, fight bad guys, do general, vague, hero stuff. When trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I can't help but feel the need to serve others. Sure, teaching is selfless-ish, but I can't help but want to do more.

  • I want to join the Peace Corps.

  • I want to work for a non-profit.

  • I want to feed, and walk, and love homeless pets.

  • I want to talk to, inspire, laugh with, cry with, homeless people.

  • I want to change someone's life.

  • I want to make a bunch of money and then go overseas and build schoolsand shelters with it.

  • I want to teach little girls to be proud of themselves, their victories and their bodies.

  • I want to help battered women leave their abusers, no matter how much time it takes.

  • I want to craft with the elderly, and paint their nails, and listen to them play the piano because their family doesn't visit quite as often as they used to.

  • I want to drive a bus around the country and donate books to impoverished kids.

  • I want to donate a kidney to someone.

When I look at all these big ideas, and others like them, I can't help but feel like teaching, at least kids in the United States, is selfish. There is so much tragedy in the world, I just wish my heart and budget were big enough to make a difference.