Too Many Choices

This week has been one of change.  I feel like life is rushing past me and I'm missing it.  I want to do everything.  I want to have 500 lives.  I want to be a teacher.  I want to work part time jobs forever, traveling around the country, the world.  I want to be a manager.  I want to own my own store.  I want to drop it all and move to Europe.  I want to be in love again.  I want to be single for awhile.  I want everything the way it used to be.  I just want to move forward.

I hate how making a choice, a decision, means NOT choosing things.  I've picked my path and I'm so excited for the adventure and unknown that awaits me, but there is something safe about being stagnant.  Part of me wishes I could rewind the past four or five years of my life and change this, or that, say yes to someone, and run away from another, but I obviously don't have the power to do this so it's a waste even thinking about it.

Everything happens for a reason.  God, how many times I have I even blogged those very words?  I truly, deeply, whole-heartedly, believe it though, with every stinking fiber of my being.  It's hard to feel that way though when you drive by your past and find yourself reminiscing.  

Anyway, enough sappy stuff.  Life is actually going very well.  I'm just at a crossroads and feel myself trying to look as far down each path as possible before making a decision...that's a lie, I've made a decision, but I can still glimpse the other path through the trees and it's fading and becoming fainter...that's what scares me, being, almost, to the point of no return.

No comments:

Post a Comment